These have been floating around for a while - thought I'd post them here today:
The Devil's Beatitudes
1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy ones who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who allow a bad attitude to enter their heart towards the preacher - for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and division that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their tithe and offering to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blesses are you who, when you read this, think it is about the other person instead of yourself - it pleases me when Christians don't take responsibility for themselves.
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